My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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