I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
