I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
