Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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