WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
True strength comes from lack of pants
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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