literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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