My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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