Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
