How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
