i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
