A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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