I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
