I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
