I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
