I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize