I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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