I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
