return my video game
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Pants are for mortals
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
