I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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