FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
