dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
