just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize