so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
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Is it penis luge time yet?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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