No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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