I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
