When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
