Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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