he told me I talked like a deaf person
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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