In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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