Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
