I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
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Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
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Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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