So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
