sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
