Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize