i just wanna soil my oats bro
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
