How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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