yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
