OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
