Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
