Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
