just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
