Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
