I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
