What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
