Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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