look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This baby is an asshole
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
