Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
