Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
