Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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