I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
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My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
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I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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