What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Semen is not good for contacts.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
