Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
