I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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