he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
