If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
