Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
