Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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